


I swear, I lived

by BlueFox1319, UnusPhanus



Category: Daniel Howell - Fandom, One Republic (Band), Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Phil Lester - Fandom, dan and phil
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Cute Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Cute Ending, Developing Relationship, Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Help, I Made Myself Cry, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Marriage Proposal, One Shot, Phandom - Freeform, Post-Dan and Phil World Tour 2018: Interactive Introverts, Songfic, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29019210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueFox1319/pseuds/BlueFox1319, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnusPhanus/pseuds/UnusPhanus
Summary: Super cute song fic I wrote based off: I Lived - OneRepublic
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	I swear, I lived

**Author's Note:**

> A bit angsty but everything I write is angsty lol.  
> I hope you like reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
> Alright lets get into it!

Hope when you take that jump

You don't fear the fall.

Phil Lester was 20 when he made his first video on YouTube. He didn’t think he would get popular; he could only dream. He always wanted to be a youtuber ever since the site came out with smosh and LonelyGirl15. Even before YouTube, Phil loved making videos and movies with his friends and older brother Martin. March 27th 2006, he turned on his computer's black and white camera and took a deep breath. To say he was nervous was an understatement, but he had already hit the record button. “Hi I'm Phil, welcome to my video blog, which I hope you’re all very excited to be a part of.” He rambled on for two minutes and six seconds before he stopped recording and started uploading the video. The next morning he woke up to his first subscriber, a person by the name of ‘Dudeneedaeaseonup’ “Ace!”

Hope when the water rises

You built a wall

Phil was in shock. One million. One million random people on the internet had followed him on his adventure. It had been seven years since his first video and two since he moved in with his soulmate, Dan Howell. He was still surprised that he had enough subscribers to fill his old uni campus but he was happy and proud and he knew Dan would be too. Phil felt kind of overwhelmed and flooded but he knew Dan would help. “Hey guys, so exciting news...I'm pregnant. Okay actual exciting news, I hit one million subscribers on YouTube, Wahoo!”

Hope when the crowd screams out

They're screaming your name

They were about to go on stage, Dan and Phil were about to start their first tour, on a stage, in front of thousands of people. Phil was shaking and stressing out. “Five minutes guys!” one of the crew members said and Phil started chewing his lip. What if no one liked it, what if people didn’t like him? Phil was obviously anxious and panicked so it wasn’t a surprise that Dan came over and hugged him to try and calm his soulmate down. “Hey lion, calm down. “ He said softly as he rubbed his back. “They love us, they love you. Listen to them..” Dan reassured him as he brought Phil closer to the stage and let him listen to the chants of the internet usernames they went by and some chants of ‘phan’ as well. “You’ll be great and I’ll be right on stage with you okay?” “Okay, thanks bear.” Phil said with a smile.

Hope if everybody runs

You choose to stay

Dan was having another crisis, laying face down on the floor. “Dan?” Phil stepped closer. “Dan are you okay?” He asked as he stood next to the boy. A soft mumble of “...I guess..” was all it took for Phil to know what was going on. Dan had always joked about being depressed, feeling alone, and his existential crises, but that was what the internet saw. Phil saw this side of Dan, the raw unfiltered sadness and fear of the open universe. “I’ll be right back, I promise. “ He waited for the soft “..okay…” before he walked out of the living space. He made some tea and grabbed some sweets before heading back to the lounge and standing next to Dan again. “Can I lay with you?” He asked softly, Dan nodded. Phil set Dan’s tea down on the coffee table before laying down and opening the sweets. “Wanna talk about it?” Dan shook his head and scooted closer to Phil. “Not right now...just...hold me.” Phil held Dan close for the rest of the night, and that's where they slept, on the carpet on the floor of the lounge.

Hope that you fall in love

And it hurts so bad

“I wanna come out.” He told Dan one night while they were on tour for II. “Oh, okay, are you sure?” Phil nodded softly. “After the tour...you don’t have to, but I guessed you would-” He was cut off by Dan. “Of course I’ll come out with you Phil. We do everything together and if you are ready I am too.“ Phil smiled and sat on the bed next to Dan. He wrapped his arms around Dan’s neck, burying his face there in hopes of a small relief from the worries on his mind. Moments later he felt Dan do the same around his middle, then tug them down on the bed. Phil shifted the slightest bit as to lay on his side with his head on Dan’s shoulder. “Thank you Dan.” He had more to say on the tip of his tongue like, ‘For not letting me do this alone.’ Or ‘Helping me feel better.’ But he settled on tracing random shapes on Dan’s chest and listened to the soft pitter of Dan’s heart, though in the back of his mind he still worried about it all. He guessed Dan sensed it since Dan’s hand went up and down Phil’s back in a soothing motion while Dan’s lips peppered gentle kisses to Phil’s forehead. He eventually calmed down a bit and quietly thanked Dan again. “I love you.” He mumbled softly into Dan’s neck. “I love you too Phil.”

The only way you can know

You gave it all you had

It was the last show of the tour, the one that would be recorded for the DVD. After this they could go home and the boys couldn’t wait to be back in their own beds at their flat. “Are you ready?” Phil asked Dan as he took the brunets hand. “Ready as I'll ever be.” He responded, planting a quick kiss on Phil’s soft cheek. “Then what are we waiting for?” The boys smiled and walked onto the platform behind the curtain and let go of each other's hands. The show went as planned, the fans were super excited and they knew this was gonna be the best show. At the end they sang the song together and they looked at each other with so much love the whole room could probably see. They didn’t care and as soon as they got back in the dressing rooms backstage they couldn’t keep off each other. Hands tangled in hair, slipping to each other's waists and over their chests, kisses that took their breath away and a thousand smiles.

And I hope that you don't suffer

But take the pain

“Come on Dan, you said you would do this with me, I have my script for my video all done and all you’ve done since we got home is sit on the couch. We were in this together.” He pouted a bit and sat down next to Dan. “I said I would Phil, and I will, I just...I need time.” Dan spoke softly with a sigh, not looking up from his computer. “You said you would start last month and now you are on a full blown hiatus, leaving me to carry the whole phandom on my own.” Phil explains his stress and Dan just sighs again. “I’m sorry, alright? I’m not ready, I didn't want to do this, but I said I would because I'm a good friend, Phil. I’m not ready!” He said, sounding frustrated. Phil looked hurt, Dan was being so cold, he raised his voice, Dan never raised his voice at Phil unless it was a joke. “Okay Dan, I’m sorry...I love you.” Dan glanced at Phil, then looked back to his computer. “Yeah, you too Phil.” Phil frowned and padded off to his room.

Hope when the moment comes,

You'll say, I did it all.

“Just know living your truth with pride, is the way to be happy. You are valid. It gets so much better, and the future is clear, it’s pretty queer. So there we go, now I can proceed authentically, living my life with full discloser, cute mutals know to slide into the dms, and you can all fuck off and leave me alone. Bye!”

“There are people out there for you , even if it doesn’t feel like it now, it will get better. There we go. That's enough about me and my story, I'm no expert, so I'll leave some links in the description for some help and advice from things that I think are great. Thanks for listening and I will see you guys very soon, goodbye!”

I owned every second that this world could give.

“We did it Dan!” Phil beamed with pride. “We came out, you did so well!” He praised. “I couldn’t have done it without you lion.” Dan said with a smile, hugging Phil around the middle. “You did good too you know, I love you.”

I saw so many places  
the things that I did

“I love you, will you marry me?” Phil asked on one knee.

Yeah with every broken bone

“Oh my god, yes, of course!” Dan said with tears in his eyes.

I swear, I lived.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Word count: 1508


End file.
